T: Twitter

Dear Twitter,

I do not understand you at all. I'm confused as to why people want to post every intimate detail of what they are doing throughout the day, and why so many people read those details with fascination. I am completely lost as to what the point is for Twitter.
I would take the time to break up with you, except that I have actually received two manuscript requests from my #pitmad pitch .... so now I have to keep you.
By the way, what is with these "hashtags"? I don't even know what that means! And they confuse me too. All I know is that people keep using them on Facebook and they don't do anything. But on twitter, you click on it and it shows you every post ever written with that "hashtag". And from what I can tell all you do to make a hashtag is write your entire thought with no spaces - so essential into one word - and add a pound sign at the beginning (#).
Yep, I'm not fond of you. But I guess you have some good qualities too ....
For example, I recently learned that I can sort of attend a writer's conference via your "hashtag" thing without actually being there. I would rather be there, but since that is not possible, you will have to be my fall-back plan. Also I am told you will help with marketing my book - should it ever get published.
So it comes down to this. I don't get you, I don't particularly like you, and you tend to waste my time. But you have some good uses, and you make me look kind of cool, so I guess I should keep you around.
I don't think we qualify as friends yet, but let's call truce anyway. One day my opinion may change ....

Sincerely,
@Lamoreaux-R